Tuesday November 20th

So I think I am supposed to be making new friends and making a life for myself in NY. Last weekend was decidedly a London weekend though.

My Greek friend from London, bless him, with pinhead and hair loss and all, tried to put the moves on me again. This was after I had to text L to save me from my last encounter with The Greek. He tried very hard this time, even offering to do the NY-LON commute in order to see me. But...definitely not enough love there for me to get over the pinhead and hair loss. honestly, I am not a superficial person.

I also hung out with a visiting London colleague. I floated the idea of going back to London earlier than planned?

Which may not be such a bad idea. I've been meeting attractive men from London (not the Greek!), outside of London and after I moved away from London. That says something doesn't it?

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As depicted in Lust, caution, sexual intercourse is the most honest form of communication where both parties are in their most raw primal forms. It is weird then when the lights come on, and clothing worn, it is as though you've woken from a dream. That honesty is no longer real, but surreal.

Sunday November 18th

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Friday November 16th

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow as I have learnt this week.

I went on a date on Monday night with someone who never called me back. I even swallowed my pride and text-ed him on Wed to say what a good time I had. Big blow to the ego because I thought I had that one in the bag. Admittedly I was a little harsh on him. (I am really not an easy girl to date, but more about that in another post.)

And that's after what I thought was a date on Sunday night turned to be not a date. He just sees me as a friend and is comfortable enough with me to tell me almost his entire dating history. I don't want guys to be comfortable with me, I want them to be slightly nervous in my presence coz they want to win me over. I want both of us to be slightly nervous initially coz we both want so much for the other one to be fond of them.

Anyway, by the end of the week, my ego was feeling rather fragile and I was feeling like a worthless human being.

But God works in funny ways. On my way to pilates, some guy came up to me and pulled the cheesiest pick-up line ever. "Excuse miss, do you work in fashion? Are you interested in fashion? You look like a very stylish type who must be somehow connected to fashion." It was painfully cheesy but it did the trick. It made me smile for the first time in the day. A girl just needs a compliment every now and then. :)

So this guy, just to add to the cheesiness of the encounter, is an aspiring writer. He is supposed to email me some of his writing for me to critique. Heh.

Thank you, God or whoever out there, for havin some humour.

Sunday 11th November

It has been a while.

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My romance with San Francisco has finally ended. I am glad that I decided not to move there. Maybe it is the realization that SF is too 'granola' for me? Maybe it is the fact that I have finally given up on him? Maybe I am over-reacting after having one bad weekend in SF on my own with a 4-hour delay to get back to NY? Whatever it is, I thank that tarot card reader at Camden Market for guiding me towards the right decision.

I am not sure how much of her advice was based on her reading of my state of mind and how was of it was based on her reading of the tarot cards. I think she definitely could see that I wasn't convinced about my decision, especially if I was consulting her about it. And she told me what anyone else who saw that would tell me. She told me to do nothing for a month and then make my decision after that> She told me it didn't matter if I'd told people about my decision already, I could still change my mind if it was the right thing to do.

And that's what I did. I enjoyed summer in London, hung out with my nearest and dearest and then decided that I wasn't going to move to SF. The job was all wrong. I would be too far away from my support network. And it was the wrong reason for wanting to move there.

I went to a tarot card reader again when I first moved to NY. This tarot reader told me that there were people who were jealous of me and I should keep as much as possible to myself, be patient and everything will work out from December. She also told me that in terms of romance, there was a guy, M, whom I liked, and a guy, J, who is tryin to get into my life.

So far, the first bit has been kinda true. I am still not sure who I can trust at work but I do believe that things will somehow work out after December. As for the second bit, M is him I think, and I am still waiting for J to show up. I'll let you know when he does.

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I learnt tonight that in New York, a guy asking you to the movies on a Sunday night is probably not asking you out ona date. Shame that. He was well-travelled, funny, intelligent, decent-looking and (my Mom would love this) Asian! Ah well, at least I know for certain that tomorrow night will be a date. And no, his name is not J.

Wednesday 24th October

Just had lunch with a Singaporean friend who works in NY where we talked about 'home'. This reminded me of an essay I wrote about 2 years ago.

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To borrow a phrase from Pico Iyer, being a “global soul” matters most to me. In his book, “Global Soul: Jet Lag, Shopping Malls and the Search for Home”, Iyer describes the global soul as a postmodern wanderer who is searching for a sense of home. To me, a global soul experiences jet lag but not culture shock. He is a postmodern traveller who is neither an expatriate nor a local of the location he inhibits, but yet feels at home and relevant wherever he is. I have chosen a global lifestyle
and I believe being a global soul will allow me to survive and thrive in our new world order where people are in positions to choose their sense of tradition, of loyalty, of religion and of home as never before. Whilst I have been successful in meeting some of the challenges of being a global soul thus far, I believe that an MBA at Stanford GSB will make me better-positioned to explore the wonderful
possibilities of this new borderless world.

My own journey towards becoming a global soul started when I chose to go to university in the United Kingdom (UK) rather than remain in Singapore where I was born and bred. When I first arrived in the UK, I had not anticipated the degree of culture shock I actually experienced. Eventually as I interacted more with my British college mates, I gained a deeper understanding and tolerance for the British culture. I was also able to connect well with my British friends and now count them as some of my best friends. This first experience of adapting to life away from what I had called home for the previous eighteen years, was not always easy or pleasant.

Since then, the decisions I have made about where to live and work, have not been the least uncomplicated or easiest paths I could have chosen as well. I could have returned to Singapore which would have been comfortable but ultimately bland. My social circle would be comprised of the people who attended the same ‘elite’ schools as I did, and who would now mostly have good jobs in the civil service. Many of my peers appear to be on a certain fairly straightforward ‘cookie-cutter’ path which I probably would have followed if I had returned to Singapore – get married by the age
of 28, buy a government-subsidised flat and have three kids. However, this path did not appeal to me after three years living away, encountering new cultures, meeting a diverse range of people and seeing new places. New experiences thrill me and the awareness of the infinite possibilities this world offers keeps me on this global soul path even though it is not the easiest one.

Being a global soul is also important to me due to what I perceive to be the new global reality. We have witnessed the increasingly rapid convergence of cultures and systems in our world especially in recent years. Hit any capital city in the world and you are likely to find the multinational familiarity of global brands such as Starbucks, MacDonald’s and Microsoft. Cultural influences spread across the world unhindered by geographical boundaries. The Internet allows people from all
over the world to communicate and share knowledge like never before. All this has resulted in a new wave in the globalisation of businesses quite unlike the multinational corporations witnessed in the last century. The changes in international business have created new commercial opportunities and risks more rapidly than ever before. Given the growing relevance of international business, I believe that my career will require me to work and live across geographies. Being a global soul will allow me to transition seamlessly from one geographical location to another.

More importantly, my relationships are becoming increasingly globalised as friends and family disperse all around the world. I have not lived in the same continent as my best friends for the past six years, yet we remain very close in spite of the distance. Also, I have seen a large number of friends come and go due to the cosmopolitan nature of London. If home is where the heart is, then my home would be everywhere, or nowhere at all. I sometimes feel very lonely amidst this new
global pattern of relationships, and the ability to create a sense of home for myself anywhere and everywhere becomes all the more imperative as a survival mechanism. To avoid the sense of alienation experienced by the global soul on his fruitless, rootless and restless search for a sense of home, as described by Iyer in his book, I have strived to create my home within myself through my cultural baggage offering familiar comforts of home and living on my set of values.

I have packed my cultural baggage from my past experiences, particularly those from the last six years over which I became an adult. My own customs and practices are fast becoming an amalgamation from various cultures – I celebrate Thanksgiving as well as Chinese New Year. My diet is comprised of foods from multi-ethnic origins – Japanese, Indian, English, Italian, American, Moroccan and Singaporean. In fact, my idea of comfort food is Indian chicken vindaloo rather than any food I ate as a child. It also helps that culture is dynamic and these days cultural influence speeds
around the world with little regard for geography. Global branding has created similar cultural landmarks around the world like MacDonald’s familiar golden arches, albeit commercial but nonetheless strangely comforting sights in foreign cities. The idea of a physical geographical home is increasingly less significant to me as I am able to unpack my cultural luggage if required and relate easily to the local cultural landscape at the same time.

My home is also based upon my own set of values, which I have found to be surprisingly universal. Living in a highly cosmopolitan city such as London has afforded me the opportunity to meet many people from diverse national, professional and cultural backgrounds. In the two and a half years I have lived there, I have lived with a wedding photographer, a corporate banker, a model, a bond trader as well as a business development manager, who are all from different countries.
Through them and their friends, I have gained insights into the national, cultural, professional and educational similarities and differences between people. It was very heartwarming to find that there are certain universal values such as family and love, in spite of our different backgrounds. This has allowed me to connect meaningfully with and feel at home amongst people from all backgrounds.

I believe that as a global soul, I face the challenge in maintaining relevance to my location regardless of my circumstances or physical locations. I believe that an open and receptive attitude is key to maintaining relevance. On the one hand, there are some universal values and there has been increasing convergence of systems in this new global reality. On the other hand, globalism has led to greater focus on establishing individual identities, be it national, cultural or ideological. Being open and receptive allows me to adapt easily and quickly to these different identities. In addition, I have sought to travel as much as possible to develop a greater sensitivity towards local customs and identities. My recent trip to Japan highlighted the importance of this local sensitivity –despite also coming from an Asian background, there were still some cultural nuances which took me some time
to comprehend.

Global relevance in relation to careers is also important to global souls. Global souls often have a high degree of career mobility, in terms of job type as well as geography, allowing them to reinvent themselves. This process of renewal is necessary for acquiring the broad commercial skills that allow them to maintain their relevance and transit seamlessly from one business regime to another. The reality I face of working in the 21st century is the requirement to communicate in two or three languages and operate efficiently in several different cultures. In order to climb the corporate ladder, I will need to be able to communicate with colleagues and clients from different cultures, even while sitting in the home office. My own career in investment banking has only given me a wide exposure across industries. I believe though, that my perspective could be further broadened to
acquire greater global relevance. My clients so far have been UK-based companies operating under UK laws, customs and corporate governance regimes. I am also less familiar with the operational aspects of businesses than with the financial aspects.

I believe that an MBA at Stanford GSB will help me achieve global relevance. I will get the opportunity to interact more meaningfully with my fellow students from diverse backgrounds. Through working together with them on curriculum-related work as well as in extra-curricular student organisations, I will gain greater insights into their perspectives as shaped by their individual backgrounds. Furthermore, moving to California will give me the opportunity to experience living in
yet another country. The broader and deeper commercial understanding I will acquire at business school will help me achieve global career relevance and open the doors to more global career opportunities after business school as well.

Being a global soul and feeling at home and relevant wherever I am, is important and even necessary for me to continue exploring the infinite possibilities that the new global reality offers. The global lifestyle I have chosen is admittedly a challenging path, but will ultimately be the most rewarding for me.

Tuesday October 9th

"Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine. " - Carrie, SATC

Sunday October 7th

So I have not gotten around to baking and using my souffle cups yet. I have had friends from London in town. Plus I am also down with a cold and feeling rather sorry for myself at the moment. *cue for buckets of sympathy pour in*

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Last night I was riding the subway on the way to a dinner party when a fight broke out between two guys. It wasn't clear what the fight had been about. It looked as though it could have been one of those fights which broke out coz one guy gave the other guy the wrong look or something minor like that. But it did get pretty heated.

It took a while before people intervened. I suppose everyone was a little cautious and were waiting to understand the circumstances before getting involved. And I think they also waited for a critical mass to gather -strength in numbers. At first, I didn't understand why it took so long for civic intervention. Upon reflection, I realised we are all human and we are all afraid to some extent.

But I didn't feel fear last night as I watched the fight unfold in front of my eyes. I watched, indifferent but entertained as though I was watching another episode of Law and Order. (Incidentally, I have watched about 6 hours of L&W:Criminal Intent already too. Blessed be the TV executives who came up of the idea of TV marathons.)

To some extent, I had faith that my fellow passengers would be able to restrain the fighters. And maybe the fact that they were fighting one-on-one also reassured me that they wouldn't intentionally harm other passengers. And maybe also I don't fear injury or death? I feel that I've lived my life fully and would not have too many regrets.

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My local Korean restaurant wasn't picking up the phone tonight, so no spicy sundubu for me. :( For the uniniatited, sundubu is a comforting spicy soup/stew of tofu and seafood. That would have hit the spot tonight.

Instead, I made myself a big pot of chicken soup with all the ingredients I had to hand which I know my mom would have put into soup. Chicken bones, onion, corn, goji berries and dried scallops. Of course, mom would have had a lot more such ingredients to hand and the soup would have tasted richer, redolent of a mother's love.

7 years away from home...

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6 hours of L&O:CI. Maybe it's time to change the channel?

Thursday 7th October

My 1,125 disposable souffle cups have finally arrived. Lots of baking is in order, methinks.

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"How have you been doing?

What have you been up to?

What's happening in your part of the world?

Different variations of the same question. And all difficult to answer.

The inevitable and almost expected answer begins with "I'm good" You can't really start with any negativity when someone's asking about you, can you? And then what next?

Do I provide a synopsis of all the random things I have been to since the last time I spoke to these various people? And leave out all the times when I have been bored out of my mind at work? Or do I keep it as "I'm good."

I always feel the pressure to make my life sound more interesting than it really is. I mean, I am a single girl living in NYC. My life should be the real life version of Sex and The City. I should be out wearing pretty dresses and Manolos every night, and meeting cute men on every street corner.

But it isn't really. Yes, I wear my share of pretty dresses and strappy gravity-defying shoes. And there are occasionally boys, not necessarily any who resemble Chris Noth unfortunately. But more often than not, I'm just living a "normal lifestyle". I go to work, get really bored out of my mind at work, hit the gym, come home, watch Law & Order and have fat/bad hair days.

But if anyone's asking, I'm good. Work's still slow, but I am doing a fair job keeping myself entertained/out of trouble outside of work.

Husbands and wives.

I was a faghag and hung out with my Pansy Posse on Saturday. We spent a lazy afternoon in the park drinking Pimms. These uncivlized non-English don't understand that 3-to-1 means 3 parts Sprite, 1 part Pimms rather than 3 parts Pimms, 1 part Sprite. Which obviously made the afternoon even more enjoyable.

When the sun set, we gathered our things and went to a friend's place for dinner. Y had prepared the most delicious Panang curry and beehoon for dinner. I think I must have had about 5 rounds of food that night. Yum!

Oh wait, I was suppposed to talk about Husbands and Wives. Not the Woody Allen film, but about roles in a relationship.

On Sat night, the Pansy Posse present included 2 gay couples:

- S, white HBS-educated investment banker who grew up amidst cornfields in rural Ohio and Y, Japanese media-type who loves to cook and clean
- N, Asian-American HBS-educated Goldman Sachs client-relations type and O, Finnish musclehead who is a shop assistant at a home furnishings place

In other words, couples who displayed some of the traditional heterosexual power balance. Both couples had a breadwinner and a domestic homemaker - Husband and Wife.

After dinner, I hung out with a girlfriend of mine. She's 25 and her boyfriend of 5 years is 9 years older. Since leaving consulting, he's been working in a corporate and recently seems to favor WOW over corporate fast-tracking. "You know, I am probably on track to out-earn him in two years." He also does most of the cooking and cleaning around their place. "I have a wife and his name is H."

It is slightly ironic how the power-play between them has changed over the years. When they first started dating, she was the wide-eyed college student and he was the older, grown-up, working man. And now she is the high-flying careerwoman and he is kinda still where he was 5 years ago. I wonder if this relationship will survive the change in balance of power?

I was once in a relationship where the balance of power changed and we parted not long after. Yes, I guess I am the Wife-type, even if it is not apparent from my CV. And the modern-day feminist in me believes that I should be allowed to be the Wife if that is what makes me happy. Now, to find that Husband...

Husbands and Wives.

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On a different note, I had (kinda) random people over for a dinner party again last night. It was fun. Sunday Suppers was one of my NY resolutions and I am glad that I'm carrying it through.

Thursday 27th September

I now have 1000 paper souffle cups in 4 different sizes being sent to me. Not to mention the other 125 plastic souffle cups on the same order. (Yes, I have been really really really bored in the office.) And those souffle cups will go towards fulfilling my Stepford Wife ambitions. They are going to be so perfect for turning out cute little muffins/babycakes and maybe even souffles if I get ambitious enough.

I have effectively not been working for the past 9 months. I show up in the office, look pretty, surf the internet lots, give my gimps work, plan my social life, check my gimps' work, plan my vacations and of course, write my blog. This lifestyle is great for a while, but now my brain has turned into mush and I have lost all career ambition.

As one of my bosses put it, with this job, you're only happy when you're busy, but when you're busy, you're also pissed off about being so busy.

But it worries me that I no longer want to do any work. My first thoughts whenever I am given any work is: is this going to get in the way of my social engagements? is this going to screw my weekend? I miss feeling excited about my work. I miss feeling engaged.

Not having worked in a cut-throat "male" situation for a while, I am starting to soften and feel myself becoming more stereotypically "female" in my career aspirations. I used to want to quit this to become a corporate bigwig. Now I am thinking maybe I should do something relatively easy but lucrative like say hedge fund investor relations. All I will need to do is look pretty and flirt with clients, definitely playing to my strengths there. And of course, this would give me more time to bake and cook.

Oh yes, my brain is definitely turning to mush. As a reminder, I have 1000 paper souffle cups and 125 plastic souffle cups in the mail to me. Maybe I should join Bimbos Anonymous?

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Only in NYC. I was at the fruit juice stand earlier today. The lady ahead of me had ordered apple juice and when she received it, she complained. "Are you sure this is apple juice? But it doesn't look like it does in the store." If you have ever seen freshly squeezed apple juice from the juicer, you will know that it is at first murky, but slowly settles to be clear golden-coloured juice with a foamy top. But in this metropolitan city like NYC, who juices their own juice anymore? Juice comes in a bottle from the store. Just like how vegetables come pre-cut for stirfries and chicken comes as breast/thigh/drumstick rather than as a whole chicken. Convenience culture, only in NYC.

Monday 24th September

Dinner party last night went well. Headline - no weirdoes at dinner, hurray!

The guests were half friends and half strangers. Friends included Sidekick, New Gay Best Friend ("NGBF") and my collegemate K who'd just moved to NY. Strangers included K's friend, and 3 ASWers.

Some statistics:
Number of people at dinner: 8
Number of nationalities at the table: 9 (including Eyal who has passports from Turkey, Israel AND Argentina, talk about Global Soul!)
Number of bottles of wine: 3.5
Number of pounds of pork loin roasted: 4.11
Number of apples used in cooking applesauce: 6
Number of people who knew the name of the game Sacha Cohen Baron played in Israel: 1 (it's called gaga btw)
Number of times we looked up Google in the course of dinner: too many, can't remember

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I got really bored last week and signed up for E-Harmony.

Amongst all the onine dating websites out there, E-Harmony is meant to be the most serious one. It is not for the people who just want to find a shag online or for married people seeking an extramarital affair. They have a questionnaire which takes about an hour to fill out, before you can join. This is meant to weed out all the casual types and also for them to assess compatibility.

Since joining, E-Harmony has found me about 20 matches. Of which, I wasn't interested in more than half. Anyone who was under 5'8" got binned. (A girl's gotta be able to wear heels when out with her man!) Anyone whose profile sounded vaguely boring also got binned. And now I am left with a bunch of them who on the one hand survived my culling, but on the other, weren't capitivating. (It's quite difficult to be captivating in an online profile)

Because E-Harmony is above all, a business, I have to decide if I want to become a member. Wthout membership, I cannot communicate with anyone or view anyone's pictures. But membership isn't cheap. (incidentally that is another way they are filtering out people who are not serious about seeking long-term relationships)

So should I??

Sunday September 23rd

I am thinking of putting together a Sunday morning playlist. Lazy cheery music. I'm thinking Jack Johnson...any other suggestions?

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ASmallWorld - it is an invitation-only social networking site and also how I have managed to construct some semblance of a social life in NY.

I have been for random drinks because an ASWer wanted to have a West Village gathering. I have been for another random Curry Night because a transplanted Englishman missed curry. I went to a workshop on holistic wellness (?!) because an ASWer was conducting the workshop.

All rather random.

And yesterday, my sidekick and I went on a sailing boat on the Hudson for the afternoon coz some ASWer has a boat and like to up the beauty quotient by inviting some pretty girls along. We were skeptical at first because of the rain but the weather cleared up and it turned out to be a beautiful day. And the guys with the boat didn't turn out as dodgy as one would have expected. It definitely wasn't St Tropez sleaze.

Tonight, I have three ASWers whom I have never met before, coming for dinner at my place along with some friends. I am only going by their online profiles. They seem nice, but fingers crossed that they don't turn out to be weirdoes.

ASW is great in that it's invitation-only so there is some element of selection. There are obviously some weirdoes every now and then, but hey, I wll have to run into at least one of those in my efforts to makew new friends, right?

Saturday September 16th

I cut my hair short at the start of the end in anticipation of S 2007 edition. I was looking forward to a new start in NY and a new me.

Tonight, I have proven that there is a S 2007 after all. She is tougher and a lot less tolerable of bullshit or of people who dick her around.

So, he is in NY this weekend. I met up with him and his friends for drinks last night. Within 5 mins of me sitting down, he is stroking my knee already. This after 1.5 years of radio silence.

To cut a long story short, he said he would call today. And I waited. And waited. And realized that was exactly what I went through with him the past few times as well.

So I broke the pattern. When he finally called, I told him that we shouldn't stay in touch because he would go MIA again. And that I as most pissed off about him not treating me as a friend.

He protested, saying that he thought it would be a shame not to stay in touch.

And I told him that I was happy to be proven wrong and I'd believe it when I see it.

At this point, I am glad I finally had the guts to tell him outright to stop dicking me around. This is S 2007.

And so to bed.

Monday 10th September

Does anyone actually read this blog? I hope so.

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The seasons have definitely started to change. Even though it's still bloody hot and humid this evening. I hate it that it got dark before 8 today. And it's even more depressing to think that it will get dark progressively earlier from now onwards. And soon it will be cold. Why a tropical-born-and-bred girl like me chooses to live in a place which gets so cold for part of the year, I do not know.

But we should think positive.

And one positive thing about this weather is that S does not want to go out and play all the time. S will focus a little more on her work. S will spend more time on her wonderful sofa and watch her huge-ass TV more often. S will come home more evenings and cook healthy dinners for herself. S will have people over every Sunday for good food, good booze and cheerful company.

4 home-cooked meals in a row! And there's shrimp, tomato and basil pasta salad in the fridge for tomorrow's lunch too. Yeay me!

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This is why he is The One Who Got Away.

Will call this week. NY plans are changing some, but will be here.

Cool, you have my cell right? 212-XXX-XXXX

I do now =)
I see you have really got right into the American lingo...cell? Mobile sounds way more sexy, S.

Friday September 7th

Labor Day is over, the summer is over. It's time to buckle down and start doing some real work now.

The French have a term for this - "la rentrée". It's the time when everyone gets back from their summer vacations and go back to school or get back to work. And this is also the time to spring clean and make new year's resolutions.

So far, the change over here has been subtle but perceptible. Work has picked up a little as my MDs get back from Nantucket. I've watched keenly for the air to turn a little more chilly. I'm starting to think about all the goodies that fall will bring - chesnuts, butternut squash, savoy cabbage. And I've even shed my sun-bleached blonde highlights for warmer red highlights.

I'm ready for fall now.

And I also have my new year's resolutions:

1) Cook at home more often
2) Spend less
3) Have people over for Sunday Suppers
4) Work harder, prove myself and make sure I get paid as well as I can be
5) Pick up a hobby
6) Read more
7) Figure out what I want to do after i-wanking

Labor Day Weekend II

Being back in London for the weekend was good. Familiar and comforting. It felt as though I'd had a really good holiday away and then returned home. There are many reasons to consider London home. All my friends. My flat. My ability to walk around most parts of London without getting too lost. Borough Market. Fresco juice. Steamed egg. Crisp white sheets from The White Company. My London work environment. Did I mention all my friends?

Being back in NY was weird initially. Everything looked familiar but so strange.

I got thinkin about whether I would move back to London, and if so, when? I have no answers yet, but this quote does sum up my thoughts quite well.

”I yearn to settle now, to exchange the departure lounge for the drawing room, to stay somewhere where customs means no more than habits, to forget the tempting scents of Heathrow jet fuel and Punjabi wood smoke and settle instead for my own rose garden……But can I settle? And if I can – if kerosene and cooking fires and Kenyan mud are scents that will never lure me again – then where on earth, do I settle? I like it all in truth. Not Equatorial Guinea, perhaps, where once this newspaper sent me to write a profile of the World’s Worst Country; but elsewhere. I could live and die, quite happily in 100 places or more._
Am I doomed, like Buridan’s Ass, to hesitate ceaselessly between the equally alluring temptations of the myriad places I know, and in the end perish of place-starvation and location-thirst, unable to make up my mind?…………..Will this one (place) be right? Will this one be home? Might this, at last, be the Great Good Place? Or will the siren call of somewhere else sound once again and make this place, and the person I am going there with, be just as temporary as all before? ” - Simon Winchester

Labor Day Weekend

Habits. You don't realise how much of a routine you have until you break it. I was in London over Labor Day weekend and stayed with a friend in Bayswater where I'd spent the most time in London.

I got my usual Fresco juice almost everyday I was in town. "Number 18, no honey but with with apple." I totally swear by this carrot-apple-lemon-ginger combo, especially on a Saturday morning when you've been out late the night before.

My kind host was the friend with whom I had breakfast with every Saturday morning (of course only after we got our juice from Fresco) when I lived in Bayswater. Him in a hungover state most of the time, with confessions of misbehaviour from hard Friday night drinking. Me sometimes feeling rough around the edges. Sometimes we would read the weekend papers together too, almost like an old married couple. We revived our time-honoured tradition again this weekend.

And while we're on Bayswater habits, I also made it to Gold Mine for the sam sek cheng sui tan (steamed century egg, salted duck's egg and normal egg). This is one of the dishes which is on my death-row foods list. (This and Fresco's aubergine in tomato sauce). Let's not forget dimsum at Royal China, twice! It is difficult to believe but Chinese food in London is simply unbeatable.

I also made it to Borough Market which was an important part of my new Saturday routine for my last three months in London. I was late though and only managed to get some Monmouth Coffee, of which I was been dreaming about for the longest time. Trust me, you have not tasted better coffee than Monmouth.

The market was closing up so I sat on the curb opposite Monmouth to drink my coffee and soak in the atmosphere. I ended up having a totally random conversation with some hippie about having and not having it. I knew at that point, I had it and how blessed I was to have it.

Friday August 24th

Question I got asked recently - So how does a guy invite a lady back to his place after a night out without coming across as crass or sleazy?

So let's say you're on the third or fourth date (or more depending on the girl), you've had a really good dinner and now it's time to move on to the next stage. How should a guy initiate proceedings and set the right expectations for what's to come?

I guess if a guy were to invite a girl back to his place, it should be understood that he wants to have sex that night. And if she didn't feel like it was right, she could always say no. And generally, guys would be gentlemenly enough to accept that and perhaps even want her more the next time. So there isn't really a right or wrong way to ask the question.

Lesson learnt: always keep things in public spaces, even if it means you spend an hour making out on your sidewalk in full view of your doorman.

Wednesday August 22nd

I was interviewing for jobs during the last downturn in 2002. That and my state of depression for not having found a job made it very difficult to find a job. During that period, I considered alternative non-banking, non-consulting careers including becoming a Singapore Girl ("Coffee, tea or me?") and becoming a bartender (they just looked too cool). Fortunately or unfortunately, I eventually found a job in i-wanking.

But there's always been a part of me which wondered how it would have been like if I'd pursued alternative careers. Which is why I particularly enjoyed reading "Cosmopolitan" by Toby Cecchini. He is a a bloody good bartender who also writes bloody well.



And last night, I met the guy! :) I felt like a teenage groupie when I walked up to the bar and asked, "You don't happen to be the guy who wrote the book right?" Anythin that came out of my mouth to him the rest of them night just sounded so juvenile and lame. I was in the presence of one of my heroes. *gush*

FYI, he bartends at his Chelsea bar, Passerby, on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

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I was at Passerby to attend networking drinks for the Slow Food Convivum of NYC. I met some pretty interesting people there, including the guy who heads it and his wife. This blog did start as a documentary of my efforts to make new friends in NYC, after all. Anyway, I will be trying to get involved with the Slow Food movement in future. It's a cause I can actually identify with and potentially feel passionate about.

**************************************

So shall we grab that drink tomorrow?

Grabbing drinks with Porsche Guy tonight. I'm nervous, more nervous than I have been for other recent dates. There was just something during the conversation we had on the ride back to London, something that makes me want to find out more about him. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday August 22nd

In addition to becoming a hotelier, I have also become a Post Office. Friends are getting all their online shopping shipped to my place for collection when they visit. Currently, I have:

- 1 x iPod
- 1 x Cranium
- 1 x set of 5 measuring cups
- 1 x portable hard drive
- 1 x mouse

with more on the way including 2 more iPods, conditioner (?), VS bras.

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This morning I emailed a delivery status update to my friends. Amongst them was an update on a Dutch oven which has not arrived.

My other friend, not knowing what a Dutch oven was, decided to google it. Guess what she came up with?

"Farts can bring more excitement into wedlock if administered in a Dutch Oven: this is where one partner lets go a huge fart, pulls the duvet cover or bed sheets over the head of their loved one, trapping them in a confusion of methane, while shouting triumphantly, 'Dutch oven! Dutch oven!' The person trapped will wriggle like an eel, the trapper will then nearly die laughing and it will all end up in a really boisterous play fight. Of course, this is all in questionable taste.

Monday 20th August II

Monday 20th August

I am on my way to becoming a hotelier extraordinaire. Me and my extraordinarily comfortable couch on which an increasing number of friends have gotten rest in between their shopping and partying in this city.

This weekend I had two friends staying with me.

A girl friend from London who was determined to party in NY. Very drunken burgers at Corner Bistro at 1am on Thurs night. 4am on Fri night - "We can't go home yet, I haven't even danced!" Brad Pitt lookalikes on Sat night. Because of her, I am going to need a weekend to recover from the weekend.

Also a friend from Singapore whom I've known for over half my life. In fact, I used to pull his hair and kick him in primary school. In Sec 2, we started writing letters to each other and having long conversations over the phone when our parents had gone to bed. And somehow, we've stayed friends.

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As we caught up over drinks on Fri night, he said something which I've been mulling over the rest of the weekend.

"If I'd stayed in the US after graduation, I probably be as lost as you."

Said friend graduated from a top Ivy in the US. I recall at graduation, he wanted to work in media/advertising, live in Brooklyn and see the world. I've always thought of him as cosmopolitan, urbane and sophisticated. Probably the kind of guy I would like to date if I moved back to Singapore. Since then, he has been back in Singapore for three years, is working in investment banking and is dating a "hometown hunny" from church. He's thinking about real estate in the near future and potentially marriage in two years.

Lost... That sounds so judging and my initial response is defensive. Yes, I work in a job I don't exactly like but am happy to stay in it for the next little while. I just moved cities, still in search of a place to call home. And I am still single, still out there looking for Mr Right after a number of mistakes. But I am not sure I would call myelf lost though.

I have learnt a lot about myself and the world around me in the past few years. I know who I am, I know where I am. I am not sure where I will be, but I have a good idea of where I would like to be.

There are days when I wonder if I would have been better off living out the stereotypical Singaporean path. I'd be married to my first boyfriend and probably even have a kid already or on the way. We'd be living in a nice apartment around Holland V and be at his parents's place for yummy double-boiled soup every evening.

And I would not have met even half the people, each with their own amazing stories, that I have. I probably would not have travelled to three-quarters of the places I have been to. I would have been a rather different person.

I could potentially be happier. But how does one judge that? As the person I am today, I know I would not have been happier. But perhaps as a different person with different expectations, I could have happily lived that life?

But please don't judge me against the life I never had. If you must judge, judge me against the life I have now.

Wednesday August 15th

Bulgarian is not on the list anymore. If there is one thing I have low tolerance for, it's flakey people. I don't think the Bulgarian was ever in serious contention for dating, but as a friend, he is super flakey too. We'd agreed that we would catch Bourne Ultimatum (great show btw!) over the weekend. Didn't hear anything from him so I decided to go watch it with my other friend on Sunday. And out of courtesy I texted him to see if he wanted to join. He replied that he'd already watched the film on Sat. This seems minor, but not so trivial when you consider that he's generally like that. He doesn't bother enough to stay in touch, but sporadically calls, has a great conversation and promises to call again soon. I have enough other friends to hang out with and a busy enough life that I dont have time to keep on being the one to make effort to stay friends. And this applies to old friends and new friends. I will make effort if I know you are going to make effort. Reciprocity.

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I met some random people from asmallworld for drinks on Sunday night. Amongst them was this American guy with cute eyes and a soft American accent tempered by six years in England. We hung out for a bit after the others left. And then he started coming on to me. Properly making the moves. And that was a right turn-off. I am not exactly Miss Prude, but I don't sleep with guys the first time I meet them. I definitely don't sleep with guys who still try to make the moves when I tell them that it ain't happening tonight. "Let's go to your room to listen to music." You take me for a wide-eyed 14-year-old?! Patience would have gotten him some way. I guess we live in an instant gratification society and forget that the payout could be bigger if we invested a bit more time and effort into things.

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Talk is cheap. I've come to realise that as I've gotten older, I am able to have conversations with almost anybody for a relatively sustained period. Last night, I went on a date with this lawyer I'd met in a cafe near my place. We chatted for almost three hours, about American politics, cultural differences etc. Great intellectually stimulating conversation with sufficient bits of humor too. But no vavavoom feeling. By the end of the night, I didn't want to reach over and rip his clothes off. But anyway, the point is that great conversation on its own means nothing. I was hung up on some guy for two years because we had great conversation. In retrospect, how unwarranted.

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This entry has turned out to be a little bit of a dating rant. Dating life is still a novelty to me. But for now, I'll go on all first dates I get asked on, for the experience.* Who knows? My One True Love may be out there.

* Someone actually wrote a book about her experiences. After a bunch of bad dating experiences, she wonders if she's been too critical about the men she dated. So she decides that she'd go out with everyone who asked her out, including a aged Latino man. The book is a rather entertaining read and is called The Year of Yes.

Thursday 9th August

I nearly got into a bar fight last night. You heard it here first. Actually I might even have had a choice of bar fights last night.

We had some work drinks last night and one of the analysts punched some random short fat guy who had the misfortune of being from Greenwich. There was blood and the police came. But this was after I'd left. We were at a cheesy karaoke joint and the beer and bad singing were a sign of times to come. In my usual avoid-trouble-before-it-hits manner, I made an early exit to meet the Bulgarian.

The Bulgarian was having drinks with his friend in the Lower East Side. I would be lying if I said I didn't hope for some developments with the Bulgarian, but I think we are probably long past that by now. A shame because I usually have fun when I am out with him.

Anyway, he was spoiling for a fight last night and deliberately provoked the guys next to us at the bar. At one point, there was some pushing ad shoving. But the Bulgarian is experienced in provoking fights, and he not only managed not to get into an actual fight, but he also convinced the bouncers that the other guys were the aggressors and got us free drinks.

I guess my opening sentence wasn't entirely true, I was just hoping to shock you.

New Friend tally: none, only office colleagues and an old friend

Drinks tally: 2 rum-based long drinks, half a martini (ironically named Detox Delight) and 3 glasses of champagne

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I find nightfall to be a witching time, somewhat hyper-real and somewhat surreal. It is the time when people are most honest, but it is also the time when things said need have no correspondence with things to be said in the day. What should you believe?

Tuesday 7th August II

"Did you go like that to make a statement that you are strong enough to resist?"

"Where are you now? Have you reached home yet?"

"No, actually I am still downstairs in front of your place."

"OK, stay there."

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"What do you think is going on?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"Obviously, there is a connection."

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"I feel like I am a teenager all over again, standing in the street kissing and not able to go inside."

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I am usually very good at avoiding trouble when I see it coming. I inadvertently let my guard down and allowed time to stand still and myself to be vulnerable. At some point, my self-preservation instinct kicked in again.

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"Good night..."

Tuesday August 7th

This is a situation I have never been in. I have choice, choice of male companionship. Wow!

During the day, I'd made plans to go for dinner with my VP. (OK, bad idea but I was bored during the day)

And just as I got home, I got a call from Bulgarian Hedge Fund Dude ("Bulgarian" henceforth) whom I knew from London but is also incredibly inconsistent - very attentive and charming company at some points and plain MIA at other times. He also wanted to have dinner tonight. I was tempted to suggest post-dinner drinks with him to ensure I behave after dinner with VP, but then I also have a regulatory exam tomorrow morning so I should not stay out late.

Not long after that, I got another phone call from Cafe Guy. (We were at the same cafe near my place on two occasions and ended up chatting). And now I have Saturday night sorted. I will probably move that to early next week instead. First date on a weekend night may be a little too much. I am learning the NY dating rules.

And I am also trying to avoid one-on-one meetings with Short Ugly Guy who was a little too keen about setting up another meeting.

Yes, Sex And The City might be closer to reality than I'd expected after all.

It is simply not possible to make new male friends in this town without them having romantic ideas. No wonder I am fast becoming a faghag in this town. And in fact, I might actually have more gay friends than girlfriends. Yes you know who you are, I am keeping my eyes open for hot guys in anticipation of your future visits.

Monday 6th August

It's the weekend round-up.

I met up with a bunch of Singaporean friends on Friday night, including a guy I went to primary school with. Whom I used to bully. Yes, once upon a time, I was bigger than most of the guys and was feisty already from a young age. Fast forward 15 years and we're sitting in a Persian restaurant in NY laughing and having a great time. I am glad we all grew up.

Saturday was spent in Central Park. Tres lazy!

And on Sunday, did you know they have a Law and Order: SVU marathon on one of the channels? So bad for you. Just when you think the episode is over and you can finally move on to doing something more useful with your life, the next episode has started and you're obliged to stay and watch another episode. And before you know it, it's 4pm and you've watched about 6 episodes of Law and Order.

New Friend tally: random lawyer I met in a cafe (we'd met previously over a conversation about sleep studies in the same cafe), ex-roommate's ex-gf, (rediscovered) primary school classmate, other singaporean, another gay singaporean. Not too bad after all!

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I recently came across this quote from Hilary Clinton on Huma Abedin, her travelling chief of staff for her presidential campaign.

"Huma Abedin has the energy of a woman in her 20s, the confidence of a woman in her 30s, the experience of a woman in her 40s, and the grace of a woman in her 50s. She is timeless, her combination of poise, kindness, and intelligence are matchless..."

This quote took my breath away. It encapsulates exactly how I would like to be described/remembered.

Friday 3rd August

So how did I get to eating greasy pizza after having 1.5 glasses of wine and between 3-4 vodka tonics?

The night started in the West Village where I met up with 2 guys from ASW who also live in the hood for drinks. As expected, both were non-Americans. Why expected? Well, coz natives don't tend to go out to meet strangers and make new friends. Why should they? They already have their own social groupings. More musings on being an expat to follow in later post.

I headed down to a cheesy lounge in the Lower East Side as it was the farewell drinks for the 1st year analysts who were in NY for training. To keep up with the crowd and maybe also to appear cool, I had to keep up with the kids in drinking.

So, sorry to disappoint but there were no scandalous stories from my evening. As I said in my previous post, I am good at takin myself home before I get into trouble.

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Only in New York - FlexPetz!!

"a new membership service coming this fall that lets you reserve doggy time to fit your schedule. New Yorkers can pre-register now to select a fully trained rescue pup — like Pirate the Boston terrier or Jackpot the Lab — and fetch him for a few hours (or a few days) of playtime."

The four-legged friends come with beds, water bowls, and GPS-equipped collars, not to mention custom leashes for walks, so you can continue to keep your place spotless.

Someone once commented that many New Yorkers have pets because they are such lonely individuals. Which makes a lot of sense except most New Yorkers live in tiny cramped apartments with little space for themselves, let alone a pet. And most New Yorkers are at work most of the day, with limited time to spend with their pets. So from a purely pragmatic point of view, this pet rental service is a great business idea. But pet rental??!!!

Only in New York.

Thursday 2nd August

OK, I confess. I may not be entirely sober when typing this entry. I am also negotiating a piece of greasy pepperoni and jalapeno pizza, which is excellent BTW.

But if there is one thing I am good at, if I am good at anything at all, it is taking myself home before I get into trouble.

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This week has been a fairly active one in terms of the social calendar.

Monday was the designated stay-at-home-and-stay-sober night.

Tuesday was Curry Night with 29 strangers from ASmallWorld. The food was pretty good and the company was sufficiently entertaining. Guy next to me was decent eye candy. But I didn't really make any real new friends from that evening.

The more significant thing about Tuesday night was the couple who'd organised Curry Night. They'd met on a forum on ASmallWorld last August, and started exchanging emails. He was based in Manchester and she in NY at the time. She flew out to see him twice in Manchester and then London. The he flew out to NY for Christmas and proposed then, only the third time they met up. And he moved to NY in May this year.

On hearing that story, there is a part of me which is goin 'awwww...so schweeet' and then there is the other part which is skeptical that you can decide to get married on only the third time you've met in person.

Anyway, Wednesday night, I went to watch a play with a friend of a friend from London. The play, The Year of Magical Thinking, was superb. It was a one-woman show about a woman who lost both her husband and daughter within a year. Vanessa Redgrave was outstanding even if her faux American accent was disturbingly bad at the beginning. We went on to have dinner. We had great conversation tc, but ohmigod, my friend's friend was UGLY. He had awful sideburns and a big nose, not to mention the fact that he was shorter than me. As a measure of how superficial I am, I think I will definitely see him again, but as friends and no more.

Thursday night, and here I am. I've finished my slice of pizza so it's time to go to bed. Goodnight people.

Saturday 28th July

Truth and trust are such elusive concepts. Some people tell lies, some people offer up an incomplete truth through omission. So who should you trust? Can you even trust your own gut instinct?

So the VP update. We had drinks again last night but I told him in no uncertain terms that the fact that he had a girlfriend was a dealbreaker. But then, I have been doing my due diligence on the guy. And it turns out that he'd got quite a reputation in the office for being a slut. A 20-year-old intern?! Anyway, I asked him about it and he was like "that's not the truth, but I don't mind having these rumors spread in the office." I am really not sure what to think. Anyway, the more I find out, the more I think this is one situation I should avoid, girlfriend or not.

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3 months in NY, 15 to go.

Wednesday July 25th

I learnt last night that Negronis can be very strong drinks and especilly dangerous when consumed on an empty stomach. And shoestring fries are well, too shoestring, to mop up the alcohol. But I did have a lovely evening in the company of friends before I had to take myself home.

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I had not posted for some time because I spent the better part of last week in the company of my readership. (Since no one other than my friends from London seem to be reading this) I had an amazing time in London. I definitely slept too little, went out too much and ate too much yummy Chinese food.

And of course, I was there for K-dog's wedding. I think this is the first wedding where I've known either the bride or groom well enough to truly appreciate what a great match they were. As DRA put it, with them, "you just knew from the very beginning!" It gives some hope to the rest of us that we might find someone who lights up our lives the same way K-Dog and his wife do for each other. On a more bimbo note, I managed to live up to the country wedding cliche, and managed to score a ride back into the city in a Porsche.

I wish I had a bit more time in London. There were still things I wanted to do like catch up with more friends, go to Borough Market for Monmouth coffee and Comte, sit out in Hyde Park, go to the Claridges Bar/Blue Bar, eat more steamed egg at Gold Mine, find myself an Russian oligarch or two etc.

This trip wasn't homecoming though. There are many familiar things and many loved ones in London, but it just never became home. Is NY home then? I can't answer that question at this point, but I definitely feel less as though I am in a state of transition.

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And yes I have been behaving.

Friday the 13th

Home on a Friday night. I have to wake up at some insane hour tomorrow morning in order to catch a train to go kayaking in upstate NY. Yes, I am mad.

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Out of boredom, I decided to take a look at the personal ads on Craiglist. Online dating seems to work for many people of this generation who dont have enough time to go out and actually meet people. Maybe the Love of My Life is waiting for me in an online ad.

Nothing caught my eye tonight, and actually I'm not convinced about Craigslist hookups, except my dining chairs. Plus my experience with Craigslist in the past hasn't been all that great. When I was in SF last year with no friends, I decided to use Craiglist to find people to hang out with.

First guy I met was some Asian-American paralegal. Seemed nice enough but not someone I would have put effort into keeping in touch with.

Second guy was a teacher who was moving to Chicago for grad school and just wanted someone to hang out with before he moved. It was pretty obvious from our first meeting that sparks wouldn't fly between us. But he had tickets to a SF Giants Game, and we went. The AT&T Ballpark is amazing. It's built on the bay with one side of the stadium open to the water.

And the last guy. My last morning in SF and I desperately wanted to go to the farmers' market at Ferry Plaza so I posted an ad. Some guy responded and sounded relatively decent. plus I'd googled the name and he came up as a master's student in journalism at Berkeley. Imagine my shock when I show up at the designated meeting spot and he turns out to be a short little Lebanese guy whose name is not what he claimed. "I don't like giving out my real name to people I meet online. you never know who you meet." How true. I fled as quickly as it was polite to do so.

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My colleague - let's call him Michigan Wolverine ("MW") - tried asking me out again. I've tried to tactfully turned him down a number of times before. Today, I actually said it out, "yes, let's go for drinks, but as friends."

He's a great guy, but just not my type. Plus I don't think it's right to shit in my own backyard.

But of course, I kissed my VP last night. We went out for drinks. He'd walked me home and we were saying our goodbyes and before we knew it, our lips were on each other's lips. "How did this happen?" Eventually I pulled away. It would have been too weird going to the same meeting 6 hours later. So, behave S, behave.

Thursday July 12th

My colleague just brought his 2-week old baby daughter into the office. So adorable!!

Yes, I think I am actually getting broody. And yes, for those of you who don't know me, you can probably guess how old/young I must be. I'm getting to that age where my friends are settling down, getting married and having kids.

And you know what, I am not afraid to shout it out loud that I want to get married and raise a family. People tend to be surprised when they learn that about me. Theoretically, I have a high-flying career, am decently attractive and won't need to settle for just any guy.

And after all the bra-burning feminists' effort to break the stereotype of female giving up their careers to stay home to raise the kids, it seems almost wrong to have such an traditional ambition. But I think the real victory for the feminist movement should be that now, women have a choice if they want to be stay-home-moms rather climb the corporate ladder or in some extremely ambitious cases, have it all.

And in my case, I grew up in a single parent family, always looking enviously at other families with both mom and dad, wondering if my mom and I would have been happier if my dad was still around.

As a result, I want my own family, both mom and dad, a few kids (because being an only child sucks). I want us to be always laughing and happy. I want to be holding hands with my husband even at the age of 60. I want my kids to look upon my happy relationship with my husband and aspire towards that themselves.

I leave you with a picture of my darling god-daughter. Guys, you've been warned, she is going to be a real heartbreaker.



The Observer has a piece on The New Victorians who are getting married, having babies and buying real estate in their twenties, rather than getting wasted and sleeping around. Return to traditional values?

Wednesday July 11th

Two minutes ago, I looked out of the window and it was grey. One minute ago, I looked out again and it had gone dark. And now it's back to being grey due to the thick curtain of rain that is pouring down furiously. Damn! Not good for my gym plans.

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fast forward a couple of hours. it's stopped raining. and i know i've had a really really really great night coz ive laughed so much tonight. i know my eyes are twinkling and there's a smile i can't wipe off my face. no i was not on a date. in fact, i was hanging out with a girl, my real estate agent.

whenever i think about it, i have been so lucky in new york. i stumbled upon a real estate agent just as my friend commented that he had never seen a real estate agent in new york. she happened to be a crazy russian barbie-doll-lookalike. and the landlord's agent happened to be this crazy russian jew who is "original but good heart". and as a result, i have this crazy nice apartment i can call home.

i'm one lucky girl. :)

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cheerio from (hot) Dallas -- luckily get to chill by an infinity pool under the stars =)
(and no, not naked)

no such luck with infinity pools in hot and humid NY :( nudity possible though

Tuesday July 10th

I am in shock. My college sorta roommate just got engaged!!!!

If you ever met Barbara in college, you'd be just as shocked. She's the Belarussian version of chilli padi, small and full of energy. Almost everyone at university knew her, even people from other colleges. From Day One, she was the one who would march straight up to strangers and introduced herself whether or not they were expecting an introduction. And all throughout college, Barbara was louder and more colourful than anyone else.

But she also had a sensible side to her as well. Whenever I was upset or confused, I'd pop next door to her room and she'd make me a cup of tea (I know, how very English!), listen to my woes and dish out her surprisingly mature advice.

And now, she's engaged.

WOW. I am so happy for her.

But still, WOW. It's one thing when friends in Singapore announce their engagement coz that's what everybody does once they can afford the downpayment for their HDB flat. It's another thing when my non-Singaporean friends, especially Barbara, announce their engagements.

I shan't go into this in detail coz it's too Ally MacBeal-ish, but there's a part of me that is scared that I will be the old maid left on the shelf soon. Which brings me to my next point...

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I had the conversation with Frenchie last night. It wan't an easy one to have because I knew how much he felt for me. And even then I hadn't realised until after we had our conversation, exactly how much he felt for me. I felt awful because I just didn't feel so much for him. And whilst I would have liked to continue seeing him, I didn't want to give him hope that may not manifest itself into anything real.

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So yes, I've got to go out and start making new friends again, which is the whole point of this blog anyway. If you know of anyone in NY who is cool to hang out with, please send them my way. Male or female, straight or gay, any ethnicity, equal opportunities.

Sunday July 8th

I went for drinks with a colleague during the week. Said colleague is known as the office gossip. Over drinks, he offered me quite a few juicy morsels of gossip - xx partner had an affair with his black assistant while his wife was pregnant, xx associate had an affair with the pretty blonde assistant ... But what caught my attention most was that a former assistant slept with a couple of the analysts and apparently was so horny that she begged one of them to have sex with her in front of her hotel room door in miami because she'd lost her room key.

I know this girl in question and she's a nice fun girl. And I could totally imagine her doing that. But then knowing her sexual preferences/habits does lead one to form certain mental images, whether or not you like it. And whilst her preferences/habits don't make a difference to our friendship it's going to be at the back of my mind the next time I see her. Dear Reader, does knowing your friends' sexual preferences/habits change the way you think about them?

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My latest craze is madeleines. According to Wikipedia, these are "very small cakes with a distinctive shell-like shape acquired from being baked in special pans with shell-shaped depressions. Their flavour is similar to, but somewhat lighter than, pound cake, with a pronounced butter-and-lemon taste." I made a batch of batter on Wed, left it in the fridge for the flavours to develop. And here comes the best part, with the batter in the fridge, it was so easy to put a tray of madeleines into the oven, 7 minutes later, these little yummy cakes were ready. Crispy on the outside, soft buttery deliciousness on the inside. Yum!!

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I just read the text above. Seems so incongruous to be writing about sex and food in the same post. Ha.

Friday July 6th

I have realised over the last few days that my years in this industry have actually taught me something. I am actually incredibly patient now, compared to my youth.

Wednesday July 4th

Today is American Independence Day, the day America came to be. It being my first time, I am not quite what 4th of July should really stand for. I am told it's about BBQs and fireworks. But I was stuck in the office all day plus the weather was shite in NY today. I did managed to catch a bit of the fireworks though.

What 4th of July stands for to me is the American Dream. Immigrants from all over the world travelled to the United States in search of a better life. In America, class doesn't matter quite as much as hard work. If you worked hard enough, there was a very good chance that your children would lead a far better life than you ever did. And in fact, it was even possible to change your fortunes within one generation. Of course this also means that those who fail or fall behind, can get left very very very far behind.

The proposed reform to the Immigration Act is somethin very close to my heart. As someone whose career choices have so far been dictated by immigration laws, I feel strongly that governments should allow free movement of people as far as possible. We are becoming an increasingly global society. In order for a society to prosper, it needs to have the brightest minds as well as the people who will do the jobs that no one else will do. And this is why I support both highly skilled and low-skilled migration. Instead of trying to restrict immigration altogether, America needs to find a way to manage it.

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More about madeleines in another post.

Tuesday July 3rd

8.40pm and I am still in the office. S is not a happy bunny.

But more importantly, I am taking time out of my busy Excel schedule to blog about The One Who Got Away. I am sure we all have one of these - the one whom you thought was the One, but then you never were and will never be. You don't hear from them for ages but then everytime they pop up in your lives, your knees go weak and your heart beats a little faster.

I methim on a flight. We got along really well on the 6 hour flight. We stayed in touch, but he lived in Frankfurt.

Two weeks after that first flight, he invited me to meet him in Paris for the day. I refused because I wanted to play hard to get, but I ended up going to Brussels the next weekend because he was on my mind so much.

Over the following year and a half, we were sorta in touch. Sorta as in he would go MIA whenever he was dating someone else in Frankfurt.

During that time, we even had a conversation where I put myself out there and told him how I just couldn't get him off my mind. But he pointed out, "there was no point starting something since we were in different cities."

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this guy haunted my memory for about two years. Every new guy that I met was inevitably compared to him, and almost always fell short.

Finally, I saw him walking down the street in London hand-in-hand with his new girlfriend. I think we both saw each other from the corner of our eyes but refused to acknowledge each other. And that was when I decided to stop moping over him.

But when I moved to NY, I sent out a mass mailer about my move. And I guess there was a part of me that wanted him to know that I was in the same country as him now, albeit with a longer flight separating us than before. He responded to my email and we exchanged a number of brief emails. I had not heard from him for several weeks and had written him off (for about the zillionth time). And what do you know, an email just popped up in my inbox!

Be still, my pounding heart...

How does one kill hope? Because in spite of all the disappointment and heartache I have experienced over this guy who has never felt the same way for me, there's a part of me that still thinks he is the One.

p.s. In case you were wondering, I did not actually sleep with him over the whole long period until I knew it was never going to work between us.

Monday July 2nd

I'm supposed to be at work right now. Or rather to Frenchie, I am at the office working hard. But really, I just got home after a drink with Joe (of the dinner party). It is probably not a good sign that I am lying to Frenchie to avoid seeing him.

Frenchie has been a real sweetheart. He saw the copy of Claudia Fleming's Gramercy Tavern Desserts recipe book on my bedside table and surprised me by taking me to dessert at Gramercy Tavern last Friday night. Then on Saturday, I mentioned that I was looking forward to getting some marmalade when I was next back in London. Lo and behold, he presents me with a bottle of marmalade on Sunday.

But still no, I am not feeling it from him. He does not challenge me, nor make me want to be better. We would not be able to maintain a continuous volley. We would run out of things to talk about (in fact, maybe we have).

Maybe the one thing that my 2007 "no-schmuck" rule is doing for me is to make me realise that actually I need to be with a schmuck?

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On other news, I finally have a real assignment to work on. Yeay! The not-so-good thing is that I have to work over the 4th of July holiday. Boo.

Also, I finally got around to cleaning my apartment. It's starting to look more and more like my original inspiration for it - the penthouse of the Soho Grand Hotel. A friend came over on the weekend and commented that my place looked like a bachelor pad. Could have been the 42" TV?

Carrot Proust

Friday June 29th

Investment banking analysts in NY work on the basis of a two-year program after which, most leave for highly lucrative jobs in private equity or hedge funds. Today is the last day for our 2nd-year analysts. A flood of "Last Day" emails have arrived in my inbox, mostly gushing about what a phenomenal experience they have had at the firm. It is kinda sad to see these kids move on coz they have been great fun in my brief two months in NY. But also, it sucks to see others move on when I'm still stuck at the same firm doing the same job, albeit in a different location. Especially because I'd been dreaming of writing my own "Last Day" email since the day I started work. I have started many different versions in my head:

Dear all, I am so glad to be finally leaving this sad pathetic job and all of you, especially those of you who actually believe in your own greatness for doing this sad pathetic job.

Dear all, I'm leaving. I will be on a beach somewhere for the next x years, lying in the sun and sipping mojitos while you continue toiling away in this rat race. Try not to take it personally. I've served my time here and you will get your chance soon to leave.

Dear all, I'm leaving. Try not to miss my cute butt too much.

I am really looking forward to quitting this job. Just not yet. Not while they're making a sweet deal for me to enjoy NY. Patience...

Wednesday 26th June

Gordon Brown has become Prime Minister. What a sad day this is!

Tuesday June 26th

As I was shelling peas in the cool of my kitchen yesterday evening, I reflected upon my post yesterday. I realised that I haven't felt the need to make deep meaningful connections with people since moving to this city. I'm happy to have one-night-stand (not literally, I'm too old for that now!), hit-and-run type of interaction with the inhabitants of this city, like the dinner on Saturday night. I had a great time, enjoying sparkling conversation and wit. And it didn't matter to me that I probably was never going to see my dinner companions again. Whereas in London, I would have made a real effort to stay in touch. Anyway, I think this is because I have some truly wonderful friends in London who are just a phone call or email away. How blessed...I'm never really alone. :)

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I need advice. I think one of my co-workers is trying to ask me out. When I first started, I went out with him a couple of times for drinks/dinner because I was new and had no friends. But I'd always assumed that he was just being friendly. Then I kinda got a vibe so I started inviting friends along whenever we hung out. And now he's pestering me to tell him when we can hang out again, just the two of us. How should I make it clear that he's not my type without pissing him off? I need all the friends I can get in the workplace.

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I mentioned pea-shelling earlier in this post. This was inspired by Smitten Kitchen who not also cooks and bakes well, writes beautifully and then takes amazing photos of her culinary masterpieces for the rest of us to drool at. Click here for pea-shelling-inspiring blog entry.

So here are the peas I shelled...


And here they are again in a salad with sliced red spring onions and fried scallions.

Monday 25th June

I had dinner at a colleague's place on Friday night. Given what a WASP-y firm we work at, I thought it was hilarious that the dinner company consisted of:

Him - white gay slightly camp guy
His boyfriend - Japanese gay who happily professed his love of cooking and cleaning and housewifely ambitions (at which said colleague rolled his eyes)
Other colleague - Italian/Irish-American super-PC, "too nice to be a banker" guy
His girlfriend - a Jewish rabbi
Me - Singaporean irreverent, un-PC, non-religious girl

I'm definitely all for diversity. :)

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I mentioned I was going to this private dinner party on Saturday night. Basically, these 2 girls, Becky and Hayden, throw a dinner party in someone's apartment once a month. The cooking is Southern and pretty good (very good homecooked food rather than restaurant standard). Random people show for these parties along with a bunch of Becky and Hayden's friends.

I had lots of fun as did my 2 acquaintances. I've always believed that food and wine are the best social lubricants. I love food not just for the taste and experience, but more importantly, for its ability to bring people together. It is the lowest common denominator - very little prior knowledge or experience is required for its appreciation. And that was why it was so fun on Sat night. I met some interesting people. Naz - corporate tax lawyer who was born and raised in NY and probably never ever leaving NY. She reminded me a little of Marianne from Cybil. Joe - distressed debt hedge fund guy who had more personality in his pinky than most finance dudes in this city combined. Not sure if I will see them again, but for those few hours, we talked, we laughed and truly enjoyed each other's company.

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It's been three long weeks since I first met Frenchie. This is the longest continuous period I have been seeing someone on such a regular basis since the 1990s. (OK, I exaggerate but you get the picture) Frenchie is mature and considerate, not physically unattractive (not that I am superficial, but did I mention 8-pack abs?) and gives amazing massages. Yet I think there is a part of me that suffers from the Sex and The City syndrome. That is, I keep thinking that there is someone better out there for me and that I could be giving up a forest for a tree. Yes, I believe some also call this a commitment phobia. Indeed, Frenchie is not the overachieving, high-flying, jet-setting type I normally fall for. But then again, he is not a schmuck and I don't need to mount a major logistical exercise (air travel, diary coordination etc) to see him. So I think, for now, I shall try to get used to this. But if anyone's asking, he's not my boyfriend (yet).

Thursday 21st June

The pace of my posting has slowed dramatically. I need a Readership. I write for a Readership. I need people to comment and tell me that I am being silly/crazy/happy/loved/disliked/hated. So please read me! Comment! Please?

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New York City has been different the past few days. One of my best friends from London has taken over my living room and turned half of it into the newest Hugo Boss store in NYC. The other half is his office where he creates apparently meaningless Powerpoint slides and yells into his Blackberry stuff about diabetics diagnostics. The Germans are such a strange race.

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I'm getting lazy about making new friends again. Between having old friends in town, seeing Frenchie and trying to consolidate the new friendships I've made so far, it feels as though I hardly have enough time for myself. And all I want is some time to clean my house, assemble my new TV bench, try out my new Kitchenaid mixer, watch Food Network and sleep.

To be fair, I'm going to an underground supper club on Saturday night. I'm not only going there with 2 potential new friends, but it will also afford me the opportunity to meet some new people. So fingers crossed!

I am WO-men!

So I mentioned before that I got a self-help book to deal with my new work environment. How American! I read it about twice over the weekend and now I am ready to comment on it. The book itself does not try to be prescriptive. And in fact, the thing I liked most about it was that it laid out the Rules of the Game, at least how it's played in NY. Moving from London to New York was a noticeable change in the way gender politics are played. I believe that women are actually accorded more equality in Europe than in the US. The US, I find, is a more traditional and patriachal society where gender characteristics are more pronounced. Feel free to disagree with me, I've only been living here for less than 2 months!

Anyway, the key takeaways from this book for me:

1) Men are able to compartmentalise more effectively than women. Work is work and personal is personal. I should not take everything personally.

2) Men play the Game to win. This enables them to stay focused on the Game. Similarly, I need to focus on getting my job done well, and ignore everything else. This goes back a little to compartmentalising.

3) Men are better at bluffing. They speak up at meetings, even if to say stupid things. They are able to appear knowledgeable even though they only know 50% of the stuff. I should not afraid to speak up because in most cases, I know more than the guys do.

4) There are different rules for men and women. It's OK for guys to have disgusting habits. (Trust me, I've seen my VP have his hands down his pants throughout a 3 hour meeting before!!) It is also OK for men to be ugly and fat, but ugly and fat women don't go down well, not in this business.

The book has given me a new confidence to deal with my work environment. It made me remember that I'm a tough cookie and have always been. I have nothing to fear and I am not going to fear anything. I'm good at my job and work is going to be only about work in future.

Of course, my VP did make some reference to my perfume and how he liked it just the other day...

Wednesday 13th June

I went for an alumni-organised Garden Party on Tuesday evening. Notwithstanding the fact that the weather was crap yesterday and that they ran out of Pimm's everytime I got to the bar, I had a great time. First of all, the party was held on the rooftop of the New York Athletic Club which had an amazing view over Central Park. With the post-rain mist hanging low around the treetops, it made for a soft and dreamy effect. (Pictures to be posted when I can bully my friend for them.) I didn't get a chance to speak with too many people, but it was heartening to see that the alumni is pretty strong/active. New Friend tally from last night - probably zero. But I'll keep trying! :)

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I met another neighbour from my floor yesterday morning. He's Australian. His wife is not only also Singaporean but shares the same surname as me! I definitely need to bring them more cake! Although, as a neighbour, it is easy to tread further into their personal space than they would like. At least with an acquaintance, you can drop out of touch if you didn't like someone. But with neighbours, you're bound to meet them in the hallway and stuff like that so they can't even avoid you if they decide they don't like you. So, how does one get friendly with one's neighbours without coming across as too keen?

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I went for opera in Central Park yesterday evening. I have always loved the ideas of chilling out in parks, be it picnics in Hyde Park or outdoor movie screenings on Lake Geneva. I think yesterday's show was La Boheme, although we were too far away from the stage to warrant serious concentration on the music. Unfortunately, the weather conditions weren't exactly made for being outdoors and it was COLD!!! But still we made the best of it with our mishmash of chocolate TimTams, bananas and raspberries. Fortunately, it looks as though there will be quite a few outdoor movie screenings in Bryant Park and Hudson River Park over the whole summer. I'm looking forward to those already!

To make a point about how small the world is, I was hanging out yesterday with L. We went to university together, knew of each other but probably never spoke more than 5 sentences to each other during the whole time. Out of the blue, I was out getting lunch a couple of weeks ago, I bumped into her. We exchanged numbers and promised to hang out. At university, I'd always had the impression that she was rather unfriendly, but actually she's a really cool chick. Definitely has the characteristics of my best girl friends. New Friend tally - 1. Yeay!

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I'm off to the OC this weekend to see Emma and her folks. Yeay!

Tuesday June 12th

In my attempt to do a little food blogging, since it's all the rage now, I am posting a picture of my dinner last night.



I had cold tofu with Japanese chuka dressing topped with chopped cilantro (on the left) and a really yummy salad of fresh garden peas (hand-shelled!), asparagus, broccoli rabe topped with toasted sesame seeds and Old Amsterdam cheese shavings (on the right). In this picture you will also see my huge-ass 42" plasma screen which is the reason why I am reluctant to leave my apartment to go out and make friends.

Monday 11th June

Today is The Mother's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom! Seriously, I hope I've inherited all her genes because she does not look a day over 43 despite being about 10 years older than that.

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One of my best girl friends was over from London for the weekend. We had a nice girlie weekend - manicure/pedicure, facials, shopping, pretty shoes, Magnolia cupcakes, cocktails, brunch. I miss having girlfriends in NY. It's easy to meet guys, but not so easy to find girls I get along with. My girlfriends all tend to be strong intelligent women. We're all chicks who kick ass! I guess I just gotta give myself time. I am sure NY is full of strong intelligent women too.

BTW, I was never a big fan of cupcakes, but Magnolia cupcakes have proved themselves to be worth the line. Now to tackle the other 4 sitting in my fridge now.

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Frenchie and I went for a movie date last night. We went to watch Ocean's Thirteen. I have to say, the combination of Matt Damon, Brad Pitt AND George Clooney really does it for me. The question though is, if you had to pick one guy to shag, one guy to marry and one to push off the cliff, who would you choose for what? I think I would choose to shag George, marry Matt and sorry Brad, you're too in love with Angie already.

Things with Frenchie are still going well. I'm almost afraid I will jinx things by talking about him too much. So I guess that's all I will mention for now. :)

Thursday June 7th

So...Frenchie called after all. :)

After we'd arranged a time and place for meeting, he sends me a text message asking "Would you like me to pick you up from in front of your building?". Now dear readers, to provide a bit of background, I come from a parallel universe where chivalry is not practised. (Picture me struggling with many heavy bags while the male friend next to me strolls casually with free hands.) I am also fleeing a dating history of schmucks and freaks (could make for an epic post if I ever get around it) So, putting things into context now, my knees went weak when I saw that text. In fact I was almost ready to have his babies there and then!

Needless to say, he did pick me up from the front of my building and we strolled a short distance to dinner. The evening went well. :) Maybe I will have his babies someday after all? We shall see...

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Moving on to Not Making New Friends. My workplace. I work in an investment bank which shall remain unnamed. Most of my colleagues, oops co-workers, are male. And when I say male bankers, I mean frat boys in their early 30s. Being a girl, there's just no way around it but I don't fit in. The boys don't include me on their social conversations. Not that I have much insight to add about golf, girls and drinking. I miss the boys in the London office. They were just much better than being friends with females.

And I keep getting the feeling that I am not being taken seriously enough because I am an attractive young Asian female. So I got the following book: Play Like a Man, Win Like a Woman. Will let you know how it goes after I finish reading it. I am woman, hear me roar!

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Girlfriend from London in town this weekend. Yeay! :) We're doing manicures and facials, girlie cocktails, shopping.

p.s. P*ONG - pleasant place. small plates dining format with a long dessert list and interesting cocktail menu. would recommend for evenings with the girls.

Wednesday June 6th

This is turning out to be a kiss-and-tell dating blog. Definitely unintented. To restore some balance, I should mention that I baked carrot cake on Monday night and gave it to the guy who lives across the hallway from me. Yeay, one new friend..erm let's not count chickens before they hatch..acquaintance...erm..neighbor.

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I went on a date last night. My first planned date in NY. I'd met him on Sat at Hudson River Park. Right before I hit the park, I'd been deliberating with my Gay Best Friend ("GBF") if I should make the journey uptown to Central Park or just head west towards Hudson River Park. One key consideration had been the likelihood of meeting cute straight men. The decision had been made to go uptown, but since the NY subway system decided to throw its usual weekend tantrum again. Well, at least the sunset from the West Side would be beautiful.

I woke from my sun-induced lazy dozing to find a Keanu Reeves lookalike positioned in my field of vision. Oh and he was reading a real book! Which definitely upped the attraction factor, not that he needed it with his Keanu Reeves looks. Behind our respectives shades, I think we were casting sideway glances at each other. And wait, was that a smile I glimpsed? Some time passed and I wondered if he would come over to say hello. In the end, I had friends coming over to my place for dinner and I had to go. So I packed up and stopped by to say hi. Up close, he still looked like Keanu Reeves.

We'd arranged to meet around East Village. We walked around a bit and finally settled on Anyway Cafe. Keanu Reeves turned out to be a post-doc in film studies. He was also a little shorter than I'd expected him to be, but then how can you tell when someone is lying on the grass? A native New Yorker, but had gone to grad school on the West Coast and was probably headed back there soon.

Conversation flowed with a few slightly awkward pauses. We talked a lot about film, surprise surprise. About two and half hours and two shots of honey-ginger-infused vodka later, I knew it was time to take myself home. It hadn't been a bad date, but I knew I wasn't that into him, as cute as he was. So I made up some excuse about having to be home to let a visiting friend in.

Would I go on a second date with him? Yes because he proved to be a pretty good kisser. :)

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On other matters.

"I had a great time last night. :) Looking forward to see you on Thursday."

It's 1pm on Thursday and still no sign that we are actually going to meet this evening. And I certainly can't make the first move to text him to ask what the plan for tonight is. That would break the NY Dating Rules wouldn't it?

Argh. Frenchie, I was even starting to get quite fond of you.

Tuesday June 5th

As part of Tuesday's effort to make new friends, I signed up for an East Meets West healing workshop which was organised by the HBS Club and was being publicised through ASW. How bad could it be, maybe I would even get to meet some nice MBA types which from London experience, were great to hang out with. And maybe I would even learn to find my Inner Harmony? It definitely sounded hopeful.

When I got to the venue, a good selection of food had been laid out and people were eating and mingling. The crowd seemed to be composed of middle-aged women, a few younger women (mostly from ASW) and a few elderly gentlemen. Not quite the crowd I had in mind, but hey, I was new to the city and prepared to be open-minded.

It should have registered to me then that there was no alcohol being served. The trainer touched on a few topics over the course of the evening. Nutrition - did you know that food products made with uncooked soy beans are toxic? did you know that carbonated drinks are bad for maintaining bone density? Laughing yoga - we were made to place our hands over our bellies and go "ha!". when the guy next to me refused to participate, the trainer singled him out of everyone and forced him to do it. Clearly a non-believer! Fengshui - our trainer was nearly finishing a 3-year Master's in the topic. Meditation - this was actually quite effective as the energy in the room became a lot more calm after we'd done it.

All probably useful and interesting knowledge, but I realised that this is definitely not something I would have done in my normal life back in London. I guess the good thing about being in a new city is that it forces you to try new things, meet new people and generally be much more open-minded.

As the session finished, the non-believer turned to me and asked me if I'd wanted to go for a drink. I picked up copies of the pamphlets for us on our way out and made vague noises about how eye-opening the session had been. But there was no mistaking it, we had been the only 2 non-believers in the room.

We went to the Monday Room, a casual lounge with a extensive wine list and small plates to match the wine. We sat on the terrace outside, watching happy content diners spill out of the adjacent sister restaurant Public onto the street. Over food and wine, we talked about food and wine (duh!), interior design, furniture, marriage, our histories. We must have talked about much more because the time seemed to pass so quickly. Throughout I kept thinking to myself, "Damn, this is such a romantic setting and conversation comes so naturally, but I don't feel like kissing this guy. Ah well, he sounds like he could be a good new friend in NY anyway."

Bellies full, we left and went out onto the night, which was distinctively chiller than it had been a few hours before.
"Do you want a cigarette?"

"Sure, why not?" After all, it had been a surreal and random enough evening with the hippie new-age healing workshop. Plus I didn't want to seem like a prude.

He asked me where I lived. "West 11th and 5th" And then we started walking, taking drags on our respective cigarettes as we did so. I wondered where we were walking towards and didn't want to spoil the moment by asking.

We got to one street corner when the cars were coming fast at us. He reached for my hand to hold me back. At that moment, we were just a boy and a girl holding hands in the night. We held hands all the way to my block.

My doorman was outside having a smoke. It was the first time he'd seen me with a guy since I moved in. It has been a long time since I last felt like this, like an embarassed schoolgirl caught out with my first boyfriend.

Anyway, he got my number. Stay tuned :)