2nd post in a day!

I know, it's incredible. I don't post very often and suddenly you get two posts in a day!!!

So this guy I hooked up with once before calls me up out of the blue...After exchanging pleasantries...

Him: "This is going to sound really weird, but I just wanted you to know that whilst I enjoyed hanging out with you, I am jut not at that point in my life to get into anything serious. I would feel bad if I led you on.."

Me:"Erm, I wasn't even expecting to see or hear from you again after that night. We don't have to stay in touch to make ourselves feel less guilty."

Him: "Oh OK, glad we are on the same page then. So, do you have friends with privileges?"

Me: "Ermmm, generally no."


Him: "Well I guess I should crack on with some stuff I need to get done tonight."

Me: "OK, I am glad you feel better about yourself now. Bye"

???!!!???!!!???!!!

London in the snow

This is the first time I've seen this much snow in London. It snowed overnight and accumulated and it continues to snow today. So guess what..I'm staying home today! Yeay!!! Especially coz I was dreading going back to work anyway.

Work, well, it's been pretty painful recently. Not because it's been long hours or tough, but because I am finding it harder and harder to keep up the pretence that I care about my job. I "checked out" a long time ago, about three years ago actually. But I've managed to somehow bumble along and keep people mostly happy with my work. But not anymore. And this year is the year in which I actually need to up my effort level for my promotion t the year of the year. And I am just not feeling it, I'm not feeling enuff luv to put in more effort, to kiss ass, to pretend to enjoy my job. So this year will be a year of change for sure.

I was reading my last post about wanting this year to be a calm and uneventful year. It doesn't seem to be working so far. Not after a crazy Saturday night at some random party where I run into a guy whom I went out with and never called back. He said hi and pretty much avoided me the rest of the night. I did my own thing and had a lot of fun. I ended up at the afterparty which was at his place. He continuing ignoring me and my friends were leaving, so I got my coat to go. And I got stopped at the door by his best friend. He said V thought I wasn't interested and insisted I should talk with V. He also suggested I should have sex with V. I thought it was odd and yet somewhat compelling that a guy's best friend was trying so hard to help him get a girl.

As I was leaving in the morning, he was sleeping on the couch. The best friend, that is. It hit me that I'd gone for the wrong guy. E was the one I wanted all along. But too late...oh well! If we are fated, then it will be...

Speaking about V, I googled him one day. I found an essay about his journey from a small country in Central America to uni in Holland to work in London and eventually his MBA. It was a very impressive story, especially the bits about working 20 hours a week in Chinese restaurants to pay for college. And to be honest, I was ready to marry him after reading this story. But I also found something else...I found out about his interest in adult photography! Hmmm, not sure what to make of that! But I think I should stop cyber-stalking people before getting to know them in real life!

Right, I am off to enjoy the rest of my snow day...

What a surreal weekend!

Two lessons I have learnt this weekend:

1) Viagra works for alleviating altitude sickness as it promotes circulation. Apparently everyone at Everest Base Camp is popping these.

2) The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new guy.

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I had a pretty crazy weekend, almost to make up for my totally chilled out weekend in NYC last week. I partied harder than I have for a looooooong time. Two nights in a row until half 3. Haha, I am not sure I believe I am still capable of that!

The other thing I did this weekend was to revert to my old self. I hooked up with a guy who is my typical kind of guy. After having strayed off with the last guy, I had almost convinced myself that items on my checklist would not matter for the right guy. But this weekend's guy - tall, tick; successful, tick; intelligent, tick; mature, tick; unavailable (lives in NYC), tick! Maybe after all these years on the dating scene have taught me a thing or two about what I actually want in a guy and maybe my checklist is actually what works for me. Except the unavailable bit, that, I have been burnt enough times to have a strong view against that.

I have realised that my brain isn't actually working very coherently to write a proper blog entry, but I just wanted to get that down somewhere. I promise to write properly next time.

Shopping for men

K is one of my best friends in NY. Imagine a 6-foot-tall modelesque tough-as-nails black girl. And imagine her dating a guy 20 years older and about 4 inches shorter. And then imagine her completely walking all over him and him thinking that his purpose in life is to serve her.* K's awesome!

Anyway, K has a great piece of advice:

"If you have to ask your friends about a pair of shoes [or a guy], then it [he] is probably not worth keeping."

How to be a sleazy Eurotrash banker

It's pretty simple, you could try one of these pick-up lines:

"I am a guy and sex is good for me all the time. You are girl, you tell me when"

OR

"When was the last time you came?"

I haven't hung out with sleazy Eurotrash bankers for so long, I'd forgotten how entertaining they could be.

2nd post

2 posts in one day after 3 months of radio silence?! Wow, this must be your lucky day! I will have to confess that the double-posting is a little more self-interested than that.

The Flatmate still isn't home. I am wondering if I should call the police yet. His last text message did read
"Sorry for not calling. I had an intense night. I come back tomorrow." Well, at least he's getting some whilst the rest of us (ok, me) are not getting any.

So I am home alone and getting bored waiting for my movie to download from iTunes. (And FYI, there are two versions of the movie Sabrina. You should only watch the 1954 version starring Audrey Hepburn. Watch the 1993 version only if you are Calista Flockhart and are actually in a relationship with Harrison Ford.)

And finally I am trying to get a boy out of my mind. A boy I met only last night at a house party. A boy with whom the conversation started with me telling him he should lie about himself when meeting new people to keep himself entertained if they were exceedingly dull or to keep them entertained if they were exceedingly interesting. For the rest of the night, I was not sure if he was lying in the first place and if he was, if it was for the former or latter reason. Anyway, as I have had so little to do today and my mind so otherwise unoccupied, snippets of our conversation from last night come back to me at random moments. And I realise that amidst all the lying and joking, actually there was a fair amount of honesty. And it's that mixture of lies and the truth which has intrigued me, enough to want to see him again. And I am annoyed that the Boy didn't ask me for my number even after he'd leaned in to kiss me goodnight in the cab. So annoyed that I am going to set up lunch this week with our mutual friend to make it happen. Boy gets my number, we go out on a date, fall madly and wildly in love with each other and live happily ever after. Yes I am losing it.

OK, hope this post has offered me enough catharsis to not come back for a third helping...

Friday November 16th

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow as I have learnt this week.

I went on a date on Monday night with someone who never called me back. I even swallowed my pride and text-ed him on Wed to say what a good time I had. Big blow to the ego because I thought I had that one in the bag. Admittedly I was a little harsh on him. (I am really not an easy girl to date, but more about that in another post.)

And that's after what I thought was a date on Sunday night turned to be not a date. He just sees me as a friend and is comfortable enough with me to tell me almost his entire dating history. I don't want guys to be comfortable with me, I want them to be slightly nervous in my presence coz they want to win me over. I want both of us to be slightly nervous initially coz we both want so much for the other one to be fond of them.

Anyway, by the end of the week, my ego was feeling rather fragile and I was feeling like a worthless human being.

But God works in funny ways. On my way to pilates, some guy came up to me and pulled the cheesiest pick-up line ever. "Excuse miss, do you work in fashion? Are you interested in fashion? You look like a very stylish type who must be somehow connected to fashion." It was painfully cheesy but it did the trick. It made me smile for the first time in the day. A girl just needs a compliment every now and then. :)

So this guy, just to add to the cheesiness of the encounter, is an aspiring writer. He is supposed to email me some of his writing for me to critique. Heh.

Thank you, God or whoever out there, for havin some humour.

Sunday 11th November

It has been a while.

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My romance with San Francisco has finally ended. I am glad that I decided not to move there. Maybe it is the realization that SF is too 'granola' for me? Maybe it is the fact that I have finally given up on him? Maybe I am over-reacting after having one bad weekend in SF on my own with a 4-hour delay to get back to NY? Whatever it is, I thank that tarot card reader at Camden Market for guiding me towards the right decision.

I am not sure how much of her advice was based on her reading of my state of mind and how was of it was based on her reading of the tarot cards. I think she definitely could see that I wasn't convinced about my decision, especially if I was consulting her about it. And she told me what anyone else who saw that would tell me. She told me to do nothing for a month and then make my decision after that> She told me it didn't matter if I'd told people about my decision already, I could still change my mind if it was the right thing to do.

And that's what I did. I enjoyed summer in London, hung out with my nearest and dearest and then decided that I wasn't going to move to SF. The job was all wrong. I would be too far away from my support network. And it was the wrong reason for wanting to move there.

I went to a tarot card reader again when I first moved to NY. This tarot reader told me that there were people who were jealous of me and I should keep as much as possible to myself, be patient and everything will work out from December. She also told me that in terms of romance, there was a guy, M, whom I liked, and a guy, J, who is tryin to get into my life.

So far, the first bit has been kinda true. I am still not sure who I can trust at work but I do believe that things will somehow work out after December. As for the second bit, M is him I think, and I am still waiting for J to show up. I'll let you know when he does.

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I learnt tonight that in New York, a guy asking you to the movies on a Sunday night is probably not asking you out ona date. Shame that. He was well-travelled, funny, intelligent, decent-looking and (my Mom would love this) Asian! Ah well, at least I know for certain that tomorrow night will be a date. And no, his name is not J.

Tuesday October 9th

"Despite the fact that there are over eight million people on the island of Manhattan, there are times you still feel shipwrecked and alone. Times even the most resourceful survivor would feel the need to put a message in a bottle, or on an answering machine. " - Carrie, SATC

Thursday 7th October

My 1,125 disposable souffle cups have finally arrived. Lots of baking is in order, methinks.

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"How have you been doing?

What have you been up to?

What's happening in your part of the world?

Different variations of the same question. And all difficult to answer.

The inevitable and almost expected answer begins with "I'm good" You can't really start with any negativity when someone's asking about you, can you? And then what next?

Do I provide a synopsis of all the random things I have been to since the last time I spoke to these various people? And leave out all the times when I have been bored out of my mind at work? Or do I keep it as "I'm good."

I always feel the pressure to make my life sound more interesting than it really is. I mean, I am a single girl living in NYC. My life should be the real life version of Sex and The City. I should be out wearing pretty dresses and Manolos every night, and meeting cute men on every street corner.

But it isn't really. Yes, I wear my share of pretty dresses and strappy gravity-defying shoes. And there are occasionally boys, not necessarily any who resemble Chris Noth unfortunately. But more often than not, I'm just living a "normal lifestyle". I go to work, get really bored out of my mind at work, hit the gym, come home, watch Law & Order and have fat/bad hair days.

But if anyone's asking, I'm good. Work's still slow, but I am doing a fair job keeping myself entertained/out of trouble outside of work.

Monday 10th September

Does anyone actually read this blog? I hope so.

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The seasons have definitely started to change. Even though it's still bloody hot and humid this evening. I hate it that it got dark before 8 today. And it's even more depressing to think that it will get dark progressively earlier from now onwards. And soon it will be cold. Why a tropical-born-and-bred girl like me chooses to live in a place which gets so cold for part of the year, I do not know.

But we should think positive.

And one positive thing about this weather is that S does not want to go out and play all the time. S will focus a little more on her work. S will spend more time on her wonderful sofa and watch her huge-ass TV more often. S will come home more evenings and cook healthy dinners for herself. S will have people over every Sunday for good food, good booze and cheerful company.

4 home-cooked meals in a row! And there's shrimp, tomato and basil pasta salad in the fridge for tomorrow's lunch too. Yeay me!

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This is why he is The One Who Got Away.

Will call this week. NY plans are changing some, but will be here.

Cool, you have my cell right? 212-XXX-XXXX

I do now =)
I see you have really got right into the American lingo...cell? Mobile sounds way more sexy, S.

Friday August 24th

Question I got asked recently - So how does a guy invite a lady back to his place after a night out without coming across as crass or sleazy?

So let's say you're on the third or fourth date (or more depending on the girl), you've had a really good dinner and now it's time to move on to the next stage. How should a guy initiate proceedings and set the right expectations for what's to come?

I guess if a guy were to invite a girl back to his place, it should be understood that he wants to have sex that night. And if she didn't feel like it was right, she could always say no. And generally, guys would be gentlemenly enough to accept that and perhaps even want her more the next time. So there isn't really a right or wrong way to ask the question.

Lesson learnt: always keep things in public spaces, even if it means you spend an hour making out on your sidewalk in full view of your doorman.

Wednesday August 22nd

I was interviewing for jobs during the last downturn in 2002. That and my state of depression for not having found a job made it very difficult to find a job. During that period, I considered alternative non-banking, non-consulting careers including becoming a Singapore Girl ("Coffee, tea or me?") and becoming a bartender (they just looked too cool). Fortunately or unfortunately, I eventually found a job in i-wanking.

But there's always been a part of me which wondered how it would have been like if I'd pursued alternative careers. Which is why I particularly enjoyed reading "Cosmopolitan" by Toby Cecchini. He is a a bloody good bartender who also writes bloody well.



And last night, I met the guy! :) I felt like a teenage groupie when I walked up to the bar and asked, "You don't happen to be the guy who wrote the book right?" Anythin that came out of my mouth to him the rest of them night just sounded so juvenile and lame. I was in the presence of one of my heroes. *gush*

FYI, he bartends at his Chelsea bar, Passerby, on Wednesdays and Thursdays.

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I was at Passerby to attend networking drinks for the Slow Food Convivum of NYC. I met some pretty interesting people there, including the guy who heads it and his wife. This blog did start as a documentary of my efforts to make new friends in NYC, after all. Anyway, I will be trying to get involved with the Slow Food movement in future. It's a cause I can actually identify with and potentially feel passionate about.

**************************************

So shall we grab that drink tomorrow?

Grabbing drinks with Porsche Guy tonight. I'm nervous, more nervous than I have been for other recent dates. There was just something during the conversation we had on the ride back to London, something that makes me want to find out more about him. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday August 15th

Bulgarian is not on the list anymore. If there is one thing I have low tolerance for, it's flakey people. I don't think the Bulgarian was ever in serious contention for dating, but as a friend, he is super flakey too. We'd agreed that we would catch Bourne Ultimatum (great show btw!) over the weekend. Didn't hear anything from him so I decided to go watch it with my other friend on Sunday. And out of courtesy I texted him to see if he wanted to join. He replied that he'd already watched the film on Sat. This seems minor, but not so trivial when you consider that he's generally like that. He doesn't bother enough to stay in touch, but sporadically calls, has a great conversation and promises to call again soon. I have enough other friends to hang out with and a busy enough life that I dont have time to keep on being the one to make effort to stay friends. And this applies to old friends and new friends. I will make effort if I know you are going to make effort. Reciprocity.

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I met some random people from asmallworld for drinks on Sunday night. Amongst them was this American guy with cute eyes and a soft American accent tempered by six years in England. We hung out for a bit after the others left. And then he started coming on to me. Properly making the moves. And that was a right turn-off. I am not exactly Miss Prude, but I don't sleep with guys the first time I meet them. I definitely don't sleep with guys who still try to make the moves when I tell them that it ain't happening tonight. "Let's go to your room to listen to music." You take me for a wide-eyed 14-year-old?! Patience would have gotten him some way. I guess we live in an instant gratification society and forget that the payout could be bigger if we invested a bit more time and effort into things.

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Talk is cheap. I've come to realise that as I've gotten older, I am able to have conversations with almost anybody for a relatively sustained period. Last night, I went on a date with this lawyer I'd met in a cafe near my place. We chatted for almost three hours, about American politics, cultural differences etc. Great intellectually stimulating conversation with sufficient bits of humor too. But no vavavoom feeling. By the end of the night, I didn't want to reach over and rip his clothes off. But anyway, the point is that great conversation on its own means nothing. I was hung up on some guy for two years because we had great conversation. In retrospect, how unwarranted.

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This entry has turned out to be a little bit of a dating rant. Dating life is still a novelty to me. But for now, I'll go on all first dates I get asked on, for the experience.* Who knows? My One True Love may be out there.

* Someone actually wrote a book about her experiences. After a bunch of bad dating experiences, she wonders if she's been too critical about the men she dated. So she decides that she'd go out with everyone who asked her out, including a aged Latino man. The book is a rather entertaining read and is called The Year of Yes.

Tuesday August 7th

This is a situation I have never been in. I have choice, choice of male companionship. Wow!

During the day, I'd made plans to go for dinner with my VP. (OK, bad idea but I was bored during the day)

And just as I got home, I got a call from Bulgarian Hedge Fund Dude ("Bulgarian" henceforth) whom I knew from London but is also incredibly inconsistent - very attentive and charming company at some points and plain MIA at other times. He also wanted to have dinner tonight. I was tempted to suggest post-dinner drinks with him to ensure I behave after dinner with VP, but then I also have a regulatory exam tomorrow morning so I should not stay out late.

Not long after that, I got another phone call from Cafe Guy. (We were at the same cafe near my place on two occasions and ended up chatting). And now I have Saturday night sorted. I will probably move that to early next week instead. First date on a weekend night may be a little too much. I am learning the NY dating rules.

And I am also trying to avoid one-on-one meetings with Short Ugly Guy who was a little too keen about setting up another meeting.

Yes, Sex And The City might be closer to reality than I'd expected after all.

It is simply not possible to make new male friends in this town without them having romantic ideas. No wonder I am fast becoming a faghag in this town. And in fact, I might actually have more gay friends than girlfriends. Yes you know who you are, I am keeping my eyes open for hot guys in anticipation of your future visits.

Sunday July 8th

I went for drinks with a colleague during the week. Said colleague is known as the office gossip. Over drinks, he offered me quite a few juicy morsels of gossip - xx partner had an affair with his black assistant while his wife was pregnant, xx associate had an affair with the pretty blonde assistant ... But what caught my attention most was that a former assistant slept with a couple of the analysts and apparently was so horny that she begged one of them to have sex with her in front of her hotel room door in miami because she'd lost her room key.

I know this girl in question and she's a nice fun girl. And I could totally imagine her doing that. But then knowing her sexual preferences/habits does lead one to form certain mental images, whether or not you like it. And whilst her preferences/habits don't make a difference to our friendship it's going to be at the back of my mind the next time I see her. Dear Reader, does knowing your friends' sexual preferences/habits change the way you think about them?

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My latest craze is madeleines. According to Wikipedia, these are "very small cakes with a distinctive shell-like shape acquired from being baked in special pans with shell-shaped depressions. Their flavour is similar to, but somewhat lighter than, pound cake, with a pronounced butter-and-lemon taste." I made a batch of batter on Wed, left it in the fridge for the flavours to develop. And here comes the best part, with the batter in the fridge, it was so easy to put a tray of madeleines into the oven, 7 minutes later, these little yummy cakes were ready. Crispy on the outside, soft buttery deliciousness on the inside. Yum!!

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I just read the text above. Seems so incongruous to be writing about sex and food in the same post. Ha.